Hi all, it’s been over a year since I “came out” and posted that I am adopted. Most of what I wrote in this previous post makes me cringe, and at first glance I wanted to delete it. But if I did that, I couldn’t look back and realize just how far I’ve come.
Previously I said, “I don’t feel shame about being adopted”. LOL I think I have buried these feelings so damn deep under a pile of cement that I felt as if I had no shame. I can say now, after 3 months of counselling and 1 month of Freedom Session, I feel some deep shame, I feel some real strong anger, I feel as if my life has been unfair, I feel ripped off, and at the same time I do feel grateful. AND THIS IS ALLOWED. I can feel pissed, mournful and grateful all at the same time. How liberating is it to know this?
I am choked that adoption seems to be one of the only forms of trauma where the victim is expected to feel grateful.
I am real pissed about how our society views adoption, it isn’t rainbows and butterflies people!
I am annoyed and regretful that for my WHOLE LIFE I have minimized my feelings by saying, “well at least I wasn’t in the foster system”, or “my mom tried her best”.
I am sad that I did not have a father growing up. I am sad that my adoptive mother was a single mom. I am sad that I felt lonely, and that I still feel lonely.
So here I am, figuring my sh*t out. If you know of any adoptee resources (books, blogs, etc) please send them along as I am eagerly searching.
One thought on “I am adopted – part II”
I’m a mama through adoption. You are allowed to grieve and have all your feelings. Adoption isn’t rainbows! If you’re in Minnesota, Bellis is an amazing organization. We have every other month adoption support groups. If you’re not in MN, I would look for adoption agencies in your area and see if they know of local support groups or resources. Love yourself. Your feelings are valid! It’s okay to not be okay.