I am adopted.

I said it. That’s right. I am adopted. The first time I said aloud  was while sitting on a dusty, ratty old couch that sat in a common room of my university dorm building. I was 20 years old. And of course I didn’t tell just anyone about this secret, I told a girl who I did not know well but seemed overly accepting and kind of perky – I think this was a safe choice for me. At the time I realized that I didn’t care what she thought so I went ahead and told her, shortly turning into a pile of tears.  Yes, I lived 20 years on this earth not telling a soul that my birth mother did not want me, she could not afford to pay for me. I am still emotional about this of course, but not ashamed as I once was. This will be the first time I ever write it out, and here I am…publicly announcing it.

You are probably wondering why it took me 20 years to tell anybody. I ask myself this when I am reflecting on how sad but also beautiful adoption can be. Adoption is a tumbleweed of being rejected and being wanted – a constant tumbleweed (I honestly can’t tell you why I chose to use this word…I just imagine my emotions tumbling around LOL).

It’s like no other emotional roller coaster I have been on, because it is never over. I am never “over it”, or “done with” being adopted. Imagine this, “meh, today I don’t wanna be an adopted person…” Nope. It is constant. Always there.

I work with infants and toddlers and their families through my work as an Early Childhood Educator and have yet to meet a family that has adopted their child – this saddens me. I wonder if any of them are adopted or what they think of adoption. Sometimes I question my work with families since I did not have that “perfect family” that is common. THIS IS SO UNFAIR. Adoption comes with stereotypes like whether I know who my “real parents” are, if my adoptive parents love me as much as a “real” parent can, and it is such bullsh*t!!! My wish for our world is that adoption becomes a norm, that people are used to and accept.

You know what I also want to change? When I google “adoption” and “I am adopted”, the only resources I find are for adoptive parents. No, I want to hear more stories about being adopted. I feel as if we do not write about this enough. Clearly ( I mean it took me 24 years) it is hard to talk about and brings up endless emotions, burbling sobs and a confusion in your heart, BUT THIS MATTERS. I do not know a single soul who is adopted, I mean I might but I have never been told by anyone that they are adopted. This hurts. I can’t be the only person on WordPress that is adopted. I want to connect…I want to know if you are as messed up emotionally (about adoption etc) as me LOL.

Thanks for listening to my very personal, very emotionally driven post. Next time I’ll go back to writing about books or my luscious garden, I promise.

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Summer Booklist

Ahhh my, it’s summer once again! I feel SO overdue for some reading since I have been in school for the past 2 years. I am finally graduating in June and the most exciting part about this is I CAN READ MORE! (less textbooks and more FUN books).

I’ve created a list of books I am hoping to read before September 2018:

1. Forgotten by Catherine McKenzie
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The Woman in the Window by AJ Finn

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The Child by Fiona Barton

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I’m keeping my list small in order to exceed my own expectations since I know I’ll read more than these 3 books. I really haven’t been keeping up to date in the book world so PLEASE do send me any titles of books that you’ve read recently and adored. I am actively looking for suggestions for books to read! Xox.

Spring Garden

Ahhh horray! Today marks the first day of spring! We’ve had a few sunny days now and it’s totally got me thinking about this years garden. Last year I had some failures and this year I want to keep it SIMPLE.

When I say simple I’m thinking potatoes, corn, maybe peas cause who doesn’t love peas? I’d love to do spinach and some greens but I’m not sure I have the light and right soil for the leafy greens ☀

I did potatoes last year however they only multiplied a few and they were very small. I’ve been thinking about my garden staples, those veggies I want to grow every single year. What’s your garden staple?🌱

I would love to grow daikon radishand lotus root. Lotus root is a Chinese root, it is delicious. Have you had experience growing either of these veggies? I don’t know where to start!

Winter Camping Survival Guide

Winter camping…it started as a love hate relationship. While I LOVE camping, the cold not so much. I lived in Saskatchewan(a very very cold place) for many years but still dreaded the cold.

So when I met my adoring boyfriend who suggested we go WINTER camping, I said yes and had to live with the consequences. Dear. Jesus. Christ. Lord. My Savior. PLEASE SAVE ME, my toes…my nose…everything is frozen! My first trip was a nightmare, and by the last morning I had shut myself in the truck…my boyfriend brought me breakfast and I didn’t get out until we were back home.

I waited for another year until I had forgotten how cold it was. This year I gave winter camping a go and it turned out I loved it and I f

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ound ways around the cold.
Step 1: MOVE!
It’s not rocket science, move your butt and you will warm up! I started by collecting rocks to build a wall around the fire. Then I began chopping wood. Later in the day(and after a few drinks) I decided I wanted to get out to a rock in the middle of the river. I decided I needed a huge branch which took 25 minutes of pulling to get free from the river bank. In the end it fell into the river, luckily I did not. Anyway I was quite warm after this drunk adventure!
Step 2: Dress smartly:
Yes I’m absolutely sure your Instagram photos will look cuter if you wear a small, revealing jacket and jeans but you won’t look so cute with frost bite. Don’t be stupid, the winter is real and where I live it is damn cold. Being out in the forest, in nature, in the winter is no joke. It can go from kind-of-cold to REAL FREAKING COLD in a matter of minutes. I guess it’s up to you, I tried my North Face down jacket(expensive) and I tried my big puffy old ski jacket with layers underneath. Both work however I found the thick jacket to be better. The big thing is wear merino wool…wool…just not cotton. I wear a toque, a long sleeve shirt, a fleece sweater, then my jacket. On the bottom I wear regular leggings(currently these are cotton) and then snow pants over top.

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Step 3: Eat warm foods:
This is always fun. Eating! That’s right. We eat quite well when we camp, perhaps better than at home. We cook salmon, rice, veggies, all sorts of things. I find that eating warm food instantly makes me feel warmer(and happier!)
Ste p 4: Fire!
Build a fire, a big, bold, raging fire and sit by it for hours. Cook your food with this fire and then be sure to put it out before you leave your camping spot. Don’t start a forest fire!

Pretty simple if you ask me! I am happy to answer any questions about camping or hiking, this is a hobby I adore. I’m curious to know if YOU have ever camped or gone winter camping. What do you bring? What would you need to get you through a trip like this?

Distance running tips for the weak

Lol I’m not sure about the title for this posting but whatever! Let me start by saying that when I started my running journey only a year ago I could barely run for 2km strait. No joke. In highschool I was called fat and now I’m still not exactly small…let’s call me ATHLETIC looking(it’s true, I promise). My point is nobody in my past would ever imagine that I have started running.

After a lot of whinning, self pity, anger, muscle cramps and warm showers, I’m happy and quite surprised to tell you that I have run a 10km race and have trained for a half marathon! 🏁💪

By no means do I have a “runners body” and although I played competitive ice hockey growing up – distance running is MUCH DIFFERENT.

“How did you start?” is the most common question people ask. “How?!” These are some questions I want to answer for those of you who have asked me these questions, those people who are just getting into running or quite frankly never want to run a day in their lives but are interested!

1. What do I need to buy?

For me I was not prepared to spend a lot of $$ at first because I didn’t even know if I would keep running. I started running with super cheap Under Armour running shoes. They cost $60 and they did not have a lot of support. I think this is FINE because I was not running much distance. I didn’t know any better! Now I wear expensive Asics that I adore and worship but I didn’t buy them until I was running about 8km strait.

If you are a girl, I’m going to help you out. Don’t buy Lululemon running tights…just don’t. They are expensive, and quite frankly they don’t stay up. I bought mine from Running Room and I highly suggest going to a running specific shop for PANTS and eventually shoes if you get to be running further distances!

Also sports bras are important if you have boobies. I have pretty small boobs so I bought this bra and have managed quite well if you ask me.

After a few weeks of running around with my phone in my hand, I opted to buy a small ipod for music. I personally need music when I run or else I get bored and walk home(lol).

2. How do you motivate yourself?

Honestly? My one piece of advice is GET YOUR BUM OUT THE DOOR, this is the hardest part. Trust me I could make up 881 excuses as to why I need to stay home…dinner to cook, prep for work, oh the floor needs sweeping…yikes that drawer needs organizing. CUT THE SH*T and leave the house. Just go! Once I’m out the door, I’m good to go…it’s just getting there that’s the tough part!

One of my biggest fears and best excuses to NOT run is visibility. I’m terrified that a car will run me over and I’ll never get to eat chocolate and wine again. Lol seriously it’s a fear. With this in mind I ordered a Noxgear Tracer 360 vest which I am ESCATIC to receive. Check out the website, they seem pretty fantastic. I currently just run with a headlamp so this flashy vest is going to be amazing. I’ll be sure to do a review once I do receive it!

ANYWAY that’s all for now…I’m proud of myself and you should all be proud of me too ;). If you are getting into running or even exercise I WANNA CHAT! I want to hear more questions from all of you! Thanks for reading xox 🐼🍷