I am adopted.

I said it. That’s right. I am adopted. The first time I said aloud  was while sitting on a dusty, ratty old couch that sat in a common room of my university dorm building. I was 20 years old. And of course I didn’t tell just anyone about this secret, I told a girl who I did not know well but seemed overly accepting and kind of perky – I think this was a safe choice for me. At the time I realized that I didn’t care what she thought so I went ahead and told her, shortly turning into a pile of tears.  Yes, I lived 20 years on this earth not telling a soul that my birth mother did not want me, she could not afford to pay for me. I am still emotional about this of course, but not ashamed as I once was. This will be the first time I ever write it out, and here I am…publicly announcing it.

You are probably wondering why it took me 20 years to tell anybody. I ask myself this when I am reflecting on how sad but also beautiful adoption can be. Adoption is a tumbleweed of being rejected and being wanted – a constant tumbleweed (I honestly can’t tell you why I chose to use this word…I just imagine my emotions tumbling around LOL).

It’s like no other emotional roller coaster I have been on, because it is never over. I am never “over it”, or “done with” being adopted. Imagine this, “meh, today I don’t wanna be an adopted person…” Nope. It is constant. Always there.

I work with infants and toddlers and their families through my work as an Early Childhood Educator and have yet to meet a family that has adopted their child – this saddens me. I wonder if any of them are adopted or what they think of adoption. Sometimes I question my work with families since I did not have that “perfect family” that is common. THIS IS SO UNFAIR. Adoption comes with stereotypes like whether I know who my “real parents” are, if my adoptive parents love me as much as a “real” parent can, and it is such bullsh*t!!! My wish for our world is that adoption becomes a norm, that people are used to and accept.

You know what I also want to change? When I google “adoption” and “I am adopted”, the only resources I find are for adoptive parents. No, I want to hear more stories about being adopted. I feel as if we do not write about this enough. Clearly ( I mean it took me 24 years) it is hard to talk about and brings up endless emotions, burbling sobs and a confusion in your heart, BUT THIS MATTERS. I do not know a single soul who is adopted, I mean I might but I have never been told by anyone that they are adopted. This hurts. I can’t be the only person on WordPress that is adopted. I want to connect…I want to know if you are as messed up emotionally (about adoption etc) as me LOL.

Thanks for listening to my very personal, very emotionally driven post. Next time I’ll go back to writing about books or my luscious garden, I promise.

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Fertilizing the garden – questions!

OK, it’s time for another garden post. In my last post I asked for tips on what I could improve upon in my garden and almost ALL of you suggested FERTILIZING. Now I can assure you there are about 70 million websites telling me how to fertilize, but they all seem different and some are pretty confusing. IDEALLY I would love to keep my fertilizing natural, but is this possible?

When I began prepping my soil this season I added 3 bags of sheep manure and 1 bag of peat soil to my existing soil with the hope that this would help. In the past I’ve ground egg shells, cut banana peels up, and tossed coffee grinds into my soil but it seems that this is not enough. My partner went out and bought me a bottle of this:I applied it to my tomatoes a few weeks back when the plant began growing fruit but it seems to be just sitting on the top of the soil. Do you use Miracle Gro Shake ‘n Feed?

the fertilizer sitting on my soil

Question for all my lovely gardener blog buddies: how do you fertilize, what do you use and how often do you do it?

Honestly when I started my garden I was focused on growing food, eating food, and growing some more. I had never really considered the ‘complicated’ parts of it such as soil pH, fertilizing and what to do when nothing is growing. Well I know I’m in good hands as you people are truly incredible with your feedback, tips and advice 🙂 I can honestly say it is a joy logging onto WordPress to see how your gardens are doing. Xoxo thank you loves

my potatoes came!

What happened in university…

I went to university. The second person in my family after my mom to ever go to university, let alone graduate highschool. I decided to go the same school she had attended.

Maybe I don’t see the point in sitting in front of a teacher with 500+ students, listening to him try to explain a subject. I don’t see where this is going to take me.

Maybe this is because I’m an arts student and there’s that stereotype that most people who get arts degrees work at Starbucks etc. If ONLY I had a sciencey mind, engineering anyone? Well not me.

I like talking to children. I would much rather talk to a toddler than a grown up. Disgusting I know. Plus toddlers are just SO much cuter. Toddlers are curious, loving, and eager to learn.

So wise girl over here decided to “try”(didn’t give it a real effort at all times), earning a degree. I studied Sociology and GRSJ (Gender, Race, Sexuality and Social Justice) for 2.5 years; learning a ton out of the classroom and almost zero in the classroom. What I did learn however was that the education system is a joke…I can sit and “learn” for 4-5 years just to what..? Earn 3 extra dollars an hour? To be able to write Bachelors Degree on my resume? This isn’t my world. I have no interest in earning a degree.

I know there are academic people, but wow am I not one. Or maybe I’m just in denial.  I am not saying in any way that some people don’t thrive and learn a bunch. Absolutely, people with an academic mind who strive for a job that requires a university education will likely flourish in an environment like this.

Despite all of this I am going to apply for another year of school, in early childhood education, which I will hopefully like more than the crap I was previously studying. Maybe you’ve been through this? Do you hate/love school? What are your feelings about this?

Child care principles

Being a nanny for twin boys, almost 2 years old sounded tough when I began the job over a year ago. At the time they were learning to walk and talk. Fast forward 13 months and these “babies” are now scheming, back talking, smart little guys.

How…how did these sweet babies turn into hell raisers? Of course I love them, I spend 40hours a week with them. But at the same time, after a year, it becomes tedious, draining and you start to wonder if you’re making a difference at all. Is this normal for any job?

My beliefs on childcare are fairly simple after safety and love:

1) outside time is vital. Being outdoors, exploring and learning about your surrounding is so important when you’re a child. Learning to control your body while you climb, interact with other people, understand how nature works to some degree. Bonus, it usually tuckers the kids out…longer naps = win!

2) independence. Kids should learn on their own, fail, try it out another way, adapt, etc. I find a lot of parents and care givers baby their children through everything which of course we want to do…who wants to see those we love fall on their face in failure? But this is part of growing up and becoming a self sustaining person. It’s tough! Last week one of the twins I work with couldn’t climb the play structure while his brother was racing up it, I mean that’s no fun! But I stood beside him and encouraged him up, was there to catch him if need be…and 20 minutes later, he did it! You should’ve seen the look on his face. There’s a time and a place for this of course, but independence in children is so important!

3) books! Reading! I can’t stress this enough. My mom is a librarian, so yes I’m likely bias but books books books! They’re fun, they have life lessons, fun pictures, and the things you learn from books is endless.

Yes, it’s SO tedious when the child wants to read freaking Curious George 89 times in a row but oh well, at least they’re interested. I find that so many of my educated friends don’t make time for pleasure reading anymore. (Pleasure reading = what YOU want to read, rather than textbooks). I challenge you people to find 1 book that you are genuinely interested in and read it, you’ll feel so grounded. As we get older I find we read less and less books.

What are your child care principles? What am I missing?

Happy Saturday:)