I am adopted.

I said it. That’s right. I am adopted. The first time I said aloud  was while sitting on a dusty, ratty old couch that sat in a common room of my university dorm building. I was 20 years old. And of course I didn’t tell just anyone about this secret, I told a girl who I did not know well but seemed overly accepting and kind of perky – I think this was a safe choice for me. At the time I realized that I didn’t care what she thought so I went ahead and told her, shortly turning into a pile of tears.  Yes, I lived 20 years on this earth not telling a soul that my birth mother did not want me, she could not afford to pay for me. I am still emotional about this of course, but not ashamed as I once was. This will be the first time I ever write it out, and here I am…publicly announcing it.

You are probably wondering why it took me 20 years to tell anybody. I ask myself this when I am reflecting on how sad but also beautiful adoption can be. Adoption is a tumbleweed of being rejected and being wanted – a constant tumbleweed (I honestly can’t tell you why I chose to use this word…I just imagine my emotions tumbling around LOL).

It’s like no other emotional roller coaster I have been on, because it is never over. I am never “over it”, or “done with” being adopted. Imagine this, “meh, today I don’t wanna be an adopted person…” Nope. It is constant. Always there.

I work with infants and toddlers and their families through my work as an Early Childhood Educator and have yet to meet a family that has adopted their child – this saddens me. I wonder if any of them are adopted or what they think of adoption. Sometimes I question my work with families since I did not have that “perfect family” that is common. THIS IS SO UNFAIR. Adoption comes with stereotypes like whether I know who my “real parents” are, if my adoptive parents love me as much as a “real” parent can, and it is such bullsh*t!!! My wish for our world is that adoption becomes a norm, that people are used to and accept.

You know what I also want to change? When I google “adoption” and “I am adopted”, the only resources I find are for adoptive parents. No, I want to hear more stories about being adopted. I feel as if we do not write about this enough. Clearly ( I mean it took me 24 years) it is hard to talk about and brings up endless emotions, burbling sobs and a confusion in your heart, BUT THIS MATTERS. I do not know a single soul who is adopted, I mean I might but I have never been told by anyone that they are adopted. This hurts. I can’t be the only person on WordPress that is adopted. I want to connect…I want to know if you are as messed up emotionally (about adoption etc) as me LOL.

Thanks for listening to my very personal, very emotionally driven post. Next time I’ll go back to writing about books or my luscious garden, I promise.

Advertisement

Religion & spiritually

Religion? Spiritually? These words have been popping up in my life for years now. What’s it all about? Do I need it in my life? How would I do that? *crickets churping*

As a child I was i introduced to church but it wasn’t forced upon me. We would go and I’d go to Sunday school. This continued until I started sports on the weekends at age 6.

I didn’t reconsider having religion in my life again until I was going away to a Catholic boarding school in grade 12. I wasn’t in this school for the church, let me tell you 😬

At this point I was 18 years of age and was surrounded by overly religious people. Quite frankly I thought it was over the top and strange. I prayed, I ate the cracker and juice, confessed a sin or two but it MEANT nothing to me. It wasn’t real. I faked it like any bad 18 year old would. 

Now that I’m a bit more mature(if I do say so myself 😇) I am at a point where I am ready for religion to be part of my life. My partner is Christian and has never pressed me to become Christian as well, however for the past year I’ve been attending church regularly and I’ve come to a place where I’ll pray…a real prayer. 

It’s really quite amazing. I’m proud of myself and interested and excited for this personal growth of mine. My partner is the only person my age that I know of who is openly religious and that makes me a bit hesitant to show my religion publically. So much to learn and so much growth that will happen. 

I wonder about other people…have you gone through a similar journey? Everyone must have their own stories and beliefs. I really want to have an open mind about how my beliefs are changing and I want to hear from YOU! ❤

Bubble wrapping playgrounds: why?

Why are we protecting our children from failure?

Yesterday I was at a playground and noticed they’ve taken out all the “unsafe” play equipment or modified it to be “safe”. The firemans pole now has platforms(photo below), the climbing walls are now stairs with railings and god forbid they leave a tree standing near the playground in case kids decide to climb a tree!

This is such a disappointment…I mean it’s one thing to make it so children can’t fail inside the classroom, but now outside during play?! Play should be filled with experiments, risks and learning how to challenge yourself and body. When I was a child we played for hours on end, unsupervised, in a large dirt area filled with “unsafe” hazards such a tall trees to climb, fences, animals, a stream & prickle bushes, etc. Our playgrounds were wooden, slippery, tricky to climb, and yes, we fell off them all the time. But here I am, alive and well!

Instead it seems we are failing our children. Children need to fail! Failure develops character and resistance. Life is filled with bad and good times, success and failure…so why on earth are we setting our kids up to expect success? They need to learn to work for success and prepare and know how to deal with things when they don’t go so well. The toddlers I work with have mastered the playground which states it’s meant for children 5-12 years old. This is a prime example that we are not challenging our children and therefore we are hindering their development.

Besides the whole overuse of cellphones we see these days, I would say this is the most concerning trend within our generation. Kids expect to have things given to them, rather than knowing they need to earn it.

I see this all the time at work since I work with kids and from watching young adults in our society. I’d love to hear your take on this…do you see it? What’s your experience? How can we change this? Do we need to? What’s the future like for these kids?

❤️

Off roading tips: Part 1

Good morning friends! This weekend my boyfriend took me off roading in his big bumpy truck, wow was that interesting! Sounded like a stereotypical “man” thing, where a bunch of dudes get together and drive around in mud…my expectations were met. I wasn’t sure I’d like it since speed…trucks…and cliffs aren’t my cup of tea but despite that, I had some fun! But I have some tips for all you off roaders:

1. Ladies…wear a sports bra. No, really I mean YOU WILL REGRET IT if you don’t. I don’t have big ones but boy did my tits bounce around to the beat of those bumps.

2. Don’t look at the pretty purple flowers because the next thing you know you’ll be bounced off your seat, smoking your head on the ceiling of the vehicle.

That’s all for now, very useful I promise! I hope you had a weekend filled with fun(and perhaps less bumps!)

Despite thrashing around for 6 hours, the view at the top was pretty epic

balance of a relationship & friendships

I have a question for you all: how do you balance a great relationship with your other parts of life?

Four months in and I’m so in love. A little blinded at first but not badly. I’m seeing a great person who I can quite frankly see myself with for many months to come. Now to the difficult part, the part that every relationship struggles with I’m sure.

I love this person. We are good for each other. We cook meals together. Have joined sport teams together. We exercise. We have great sex. We talk. Argue and cry a lot, and figure out how to deal with our problems. I love that I can be 98% myself with this person. That being said of course I want to spend my time with this person, especially when their in all aspects of my life at this point.

I’m in this stage of life where I’ve moved on from my highschool and university lives(thankfully!) but haven’t made a new life with new people in it. My work space is just me and toddlers, let’s be honest. Yes I’ve met some great moms and a few nannies I like but theyre not friends! Let me say that I am defintely an introvert and don’t neccesarily “need” and want to constantly go out with friends. How do I balance friendship with a relationship?

Of course I know it’s unhealthy to spend 90% of my time with the person I love; we are going to drive each other crazy! But does that mean I need to see friends? I am quite happy having me time. Is this wrong?

What if something happens in our relationship; a break up etc? I feel as if I would have no one! My best friend(mommy!) is thousands of miles away, and I only have a few(distant) friends that I could go to. This isn’t good! I’m not complaining of course, as I’m happier than I was when I was single. But I suppose new relationships come with new struggles. I’m sure you people reading this have had similar issues, any advice?