I am adopted.

I said it. That’s right. I am adopted. The first time I said aloud  was while sitting on a dusty, ratty old couch that sat in a common room of my university dorm building. I was 20 years old. And of course I didn’t tell just anyone about this secret, I told a girl who I did not know well but seemed overly accepting and kind of perky – I think this was a safe choice for me. At the time I realized that I didn’t care what she thought so I went ahead and told her, shortly turning into a pile of tears.  Yes, I lived 20 years on this earth not telling a soul that my birth mother did not want me, she could not afford to pay for me. I am still emotional about this of course, but not ashamed as I once was. This will be the first time I ever write it out, and here I am…publicly announcing it.

You are probably wondering why it took me 20 years to tell anybody. I ask myself this when I am reflecting on how sad but also beautiful adoption can be. Adoption is a tumbleweed of being rejected and being wanted – a constant tumbleweed (I honestly can’t tell you why I chose to use this word…I just imagine my emotions tumbling around LOL).

It’s like no other emotional roller coaster I have been on, because it is never over. I am never “over it”, or “done with” being adopted. Imagine this, “meh, today I don’t wanna be an adopted person…” Nope. It is constant. Always there.

I work with infants and toddlers and their families through my work as an Early Childhood Educator and have yet to meet a family that has adopted their child – this saddens me. I wonder if any of them are adopted or what they think of adoption. Sometimes I question my work with families since I did not have that “perfect family” that is common. THIS IS SO UNFAIR. Adoption comes with stereotypes like whether I know who my “real parents” are, if my adoptive parents love me as much as a “real” parent can, and it is such bullsh*t!!! My wish for our world is that adoption becomes a norm, that people are used to and accept.

You know what I also want to change? When I google “adoption” and “I am adopted”, the only resources I find are for adoptive parents. No, I want to hear more stories about being adopted. I feel as if we do not write about this enough. Clearly ( I mean it took me 24 years) it is hard to talk about and brings up endless emotions, burbling sobs and a confusion in your heart, BUT THIS MATTERS. I do not know a single soul who is adopted, I mean I might but I have never been told by anyone that they are adopted. This hurts. I can’t be the only person on WordPress that is adopted. I want to connect…I want to know if you are as messed up emotionally (about adoption etc) as me LOL.

Thanks for listening to my very personal, very emotionally driven post. Next time I’ll go back to writing about books or my luscious garden, I promise.

Advertisements

9 Replies to “I am adopted.”

  1. Well I feel qualified to comment because my husband is adopted. And he has a wonderful story which he is at peace with. He found his birth mom when he was 40 and now that his adopted mom has passed, his relationship with his birth mom has strengthened and blossomed even though she lives far away.
    And just so you know dear one — there’s no such thing as a perfect family. Can I suggest that you read Adopted by Kelly Nikondeha? Wishing you blessings and peace.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m so glad you spoke out today. That constant tumbleweed is hard but I really think it helps to speak your truth instead of keeping it locked up inside. And Apple Hill Cottage is absolutely right — there is not perfect family. Not a one. We’re all just doing the best we can.
    If you’re on Facebook I can connect you to an adoption group. It accepts members from all areas of adoption but first mothers and adoptees are privileged voices in the group. Many, many people there understand feeling messed up emotionally.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I had a friend growing up who was adopted from Korea. My first roommate in college was adopted. A friend of mine now has a son out in the world that she had at fourteen but couldn’t raise. My good friend decided in her late thirties to adopt a 17 year old she had been fostering for six months.
    It sounds like you’re 24? I was about 24 when I found out I had a sister thirteen years my senior. My father and his college girlfriend had been in love, but unable to care for the baby they created. Thanks to that story, I exist and my brother exists, and my children exist. My older sister has three kids, so I instantly became an aunt and now get to watch my niece and nephews make their college memories.
    I am sorry you weren’t around people who were able to share their stories around adoption with you. I hope that by speaking up you are showing others who were adopted that it’s something to share.
    And no, there are no perfect families. My half-sister got along much better with her (adoptive) mom than I did with my (biological) mother.

    Like

  4. At the risk of frustrating you, there’s a blog out there somewhere that I see occasionally by someone who was adopted, but I’m damned if I can remember the name. When I googled “adopted children blog” I found endless links for adoptive parents, confirming what you said about resources being available to parents, not kids.
    For what it’s worth, a friend’s husband was adopted. When their first daughter was born, it was his first experience of seeing someone who looked like him.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s